Life Sometimes is Overwhelming

Airing out bad news again, it just seems to never end. It's said when it rains it pours, or bad things come in sets of three, or history repeats itself, all to very true!

My Grandmother passed Feb 3, 2013. I am having a hard time dealing some days, but when I'm able to see my Grandfather the sad memories fade for a little while.

March came and went and for the whole month I was recovering from having my 4 wisdom teeth removed and then a hematoma recovery. Overall the surgery process went well, def glad it's done and over with and will not have to experience that again (: But it took a whole month of antibiotics and dentist follow up appts to get back to my "normal" self.

Moving to April, the month started out refresed feeling, I was feeling better, I had a big day coming up with my childhood friend Hollys wedding approaching fast. So I was in high gear trying to get my Matron of Honor role finished and polished. My plans for celebration were haulted quickly, as I discovered Gio & I were expecting. Due to my pregnancy history, this was a very scary time. I was followed by my wonderful docs with ultrasounds and bloodwork to make sure this would be a viable pregnancy. That was the week of the wedding, I had been advised to take it easy, and of course no typical Brandi celebrating. Which was fine no biggie, my mind was off in another world trying to go through the "what if's". Eventually it was official that the pregnancy ended up in my tube and not going anywhere, Methotrexate injections were needed. I received my first one and was taken off of work for "bedrest" and until it was determined what would happen, the goal was to keep my tube, and keep me out of surgery. I was in the office everyother day for more bloodwork and ultrasounds, which after my first round of the injection, another round was needed as the pregnancy mass continued to grow, causing concern for a tube rupture and surgery. After another week went by of the same bloodwork and ultrasounds, and the med seem to be working, I was able to come back to work. Which was such a relief! One and a half days into working, and sever pain, another ultrasound was done and it was determined that the mass continued to grow, the injections did not work and my only choice now was surgery :( Surgery went well, as I have the best doctors :) but again I was off of work recovering. I finally got to return to work mid May.

Fast forward to the end of May, the day after Memorial Day, I found out that my dad's cancer had returned, but is now in his lungs, he will go through chemo. My parents are already struggling financially and emotionally and this new round of meds and doctor appts is going to make things much worse. 

Last night Gio and I were talking, about how hopefully soon there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. How will the bad news end anytime soon, we all could use some good news and a long break from the bad, and how history def does repeat itself. In 2005 Gio's sister Tesah passed away, shortly after that his mom was diagnosed with cancer and after that I had surgery for a ruptured tube and no pregnancy. Here we are 6-7yrs later following an all to familiar pattern. My dad was diagnosed with cancer, my grandmother passed away due to complications of cancer, and I had lost another pregnancy and had surgery to remove my ruptured tube.

When will the sorrow, the heartache end? When will the Good Lord say enough, good times ahead? Will there ever be good times again? I don't know, but Gio, my family, and I have had our fair share, it has poured, out threesome has happened, and history is slamming it's ugly self right in our faces. Hopefully soon we'll see good times :)

Grandma, the Best Lady that ever lived.

One week ago today, my grandma passed away. And almost to the minute that i begin typing this did i get the call from my mom. She passed sometime between 4am (when aunt mary last saw her) and 6/6:30 when grandpa found her while he was getting ready for church. Sunday Feb 3, 2013 was the longest day i truly believe i've ever had. 

The last time i saw grandma, was less than a month ago. That day she was in good spirits, alert, and had far more energy than she did that night before. It was the so nice to see her in such a way, as it had been a long time. Sadly, we said our final goodbyes and had our final hug and kiss. And I told her i would see her again in no time, and she said i know. 

I will miss her so much, she was everything to me and my family. It's hard to believe she is gone, never her to give kisses, advice, support, or that loving familiar sound when coming in to give a welcome hug, "Ooo Brandi" big tight hug here! and there was always an i love you so much, followed instantly with do you need something to eat? lol.  

When I arrived to your and grandpas house tuesday it's like the roles were changed. Grandpa was there and so excited to see me. I tried my best to stay strong for him, but i even heard his voice crack, broke my heart. He doesn't want to be without you, his bride, his princess. But he reassured me that you two had a long, loving relationship, and that he will see you again (:

Abbie, Allison, & I put together some of your pictures, what a beauty you were when young (: and grandpa so handsome, no wonder you two picked eachother! 
You could just see how much you and grandpa really loved each other, you could see it the way you looked at him and the way he looked at you. a true love story! <3

Your viewing day was a long hard day, especially for grandpa. But i will never forget when he came into see you, he finally broke down, spoke with you, and gave you kisses. He is gonna miss you so so much, your all he talks about! :D So many people came out and the rosary was lovely as always. But it was a cold cold overcast day, which really didn't help matters. 

Your funeral day was a gorgeous, bright, sunny day, and much warmer than the day prior, like you where right there! the service was beautiful, with lots of touching songs. On Eagles Wings (one of my personal favs) and How Great Thou Art.We were all reminded about Love:

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated,^d 5it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,^e 6it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.^f

8^* Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing. 9For we know partially and we prophesy partially, 10but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things. 12At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.^g 13^* So faith, hope, love remain, these three;^h but the greatest of these is love. 

The Native American Drum was present, which was so fitting and peaceful, but at the same time made everything so real. before that I felt I was living in a dream, I really did. It was so unreal I felt. I thought you and grandpa would live forever, I really did!!
 
It's hard to think that I will never see your human body anymore and it's even harder to think that grandpa is ready to see you again, so his time will be up soon also. We've never known life without either of you and i can't bare to think of it. But i do know one thing, that I want to see you again, I want to live a simple life like you and grandpa, and have a love with gio like you had with grandpa! :D

I will always LOVE you, I will work on being more like you and Grandpa, I will have a long loving marriage with Gio, as you did with Grandpa. And I ask that you continue to look over me! 

You were the BEST Lady I've ever known! And I cherish every memory I have of you. . .I'll see you again before you know it Grandma!! And I can't wait for that familiar hug!!

Catherine Mae Nagy

birth. 10/9/1928

deceased. 2/3/2013

age. 84

marriage. 5/20/1950

married for 62 yrs to Augustus Nagy.

6 children

13 grandchildren

13 great grandchildren

 

 

 

More Than Expected

July 6, 2000, Gio asked me if i would be his girlfriend. I didn't know then what God had planned for me and him. April 29, 2007, Gio asked me if i would be his wife. By this time i had fallen so much in love with him and couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. God had tested me, him, and us, and we made it through. July 12, 2008, We said "I Do" in front of God, Family, & Friends. Both excited to begin this new chapter in our lives, and encouraged to have a long lasting relationship and marriage by my parents, my grandparents, as well as his grandparents.

July 6, 2012. We've been together for 12 years now, and the time has really just flown by, not to sure where it has went to.
July 12, 2012. We've been married for 4 years, and more in love than i thought possible.

12 years together, 4 years happily married

We've grown and changed so much in the time we've spent together, but it's been for the better! We've been through some of the hardest of times, and made it through! We've been strong and successful all due to our love for each other, our strong positive marriage and relationship examples, and God! I look forward to growing old with my best friend, my love, my husband, Giovanni. I look forward to the years flying by, but revisiting the memories over and over. I look forward to falling more deeply in love with the one person i have chosen to spend the rest of my life with. Happy Anniversary Babe!!

The Sweetest Butterflies

Finally 16, and i can start to date!! I've waited for this for what seems like FOREVER!! I have found that special someone and every minute of every day i can only think about being with him. I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about the next time i'll hear his voice or even better see him, everything he does gives me butterflies!

Almost 12 years have went by! And so many stomach butterfly memories have passed. It sometimes saddens me to know that the littlest thing could make me so crazy, so happy, so in love. But then the sweetest thing happened and gave me the stomach butterflies that I miss. . . .Gio can remember where we had our first kiss!! I didn't even remember, and sadly I really didn't think he would care, nor did I think he even knew! But he did, and he could tell me as if it had happened yesterday. Our first kiss was at Bixler Lake in Kendallville the summer of 2000 (: <3

It melts my whole heart to know that he (a man) would remember such a thing. It brings the biggest smile to my face. It reminds me how much he really does care and love me!

I realize that Love is not measured by the amount of stomach butterflies that he can give, and I realize that I don't need stomach butterflies everyday to Love him, but after 12 years the stomach butterflies that I do get are so much more than what they used to be, and I cherish them. . . .I cherish them so so much! And you know what else?. . . .I am not sadden by the fact that stomach butterflies are so few, I actually look forward to that feeling, that feeling that I forget about, which makes those stomach butterflies the sweetest butterflies.

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

We are finally in our new home, and it's beautiful!  March 27th was a very long day, thats for sure! lol. But it'll be the last long day Gio and I have like that, as we don't plan on moving ever again (: Our new house is beautiful and I can't wait to begin making it a home!

Echo is still adjusting, but overall I think she's gonna love it here (: She's still exploring and finding new ways to give us heart attacks! (we've "lost" her at least half a dozen times already! little stinker ;)

Gio and I have both talked with our parents, who are all very happy for us, and we've had our first guests also, David and Naomi, they helped us move. We're having our first cookout tomorrow with Izaak and Erica, and Tim from Gio's work! Too excited! We've had our first home cooked meal after what seemed like tons of eating out (gross!), and I cooked! (: We had lemon chicken with rice and broccoli. 
It's been a long haul, we signed papers in July 2011 and have watched our slab turn into a structure, and the structure into a house, and now we have the rest of our lives to turn our house into a home.

 God has really looked out for me, for Gio and I, he really truly has, and We are so appreciative of the life he has given us! He has given us some rough/hard times. But He's helped us pull through, and shown us how wonderful our lives can and will be. He has given us true strength and happiness with eachother. We now know and understand that We are good people and deserve to have happiness, good health, and prosperity. 

As I sit here, in my new home, I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of happiness and pride! I can't ever say it enough, how BLESSED i am!

All Things Love

Day 6

today is valentines day! and i have so much {{Love}} for so many different reasons, it was hard to narrow it down to just one for the past couple of days (: 

but todays {{Love}} is the most obvious. lol. i {{Love}} my one and only, my best friend, my everything, my husband, Giovanni Anadom Thieme! i {{Love}} him for the man he was 12yrs ago when we met. i {{Love}} him for the man he is today. and i know i'll {{Love}} him for the man he will continue to become! i {{Love}} him for supporting me, through it all. i {{Love}} that he wants the best for me, for us. i {{Love}} that he always wants me to be happy and will go to no end to make sure i am. i {{Love}} the memories we've made together and i {{Love}} the memories that are going to be made! i {{Love}} that we laugh together, and sometimes laugh so hard we cry! i {{Love}} his smile, it's heart melting :) i {{Love}} that he is truly a good person. i {{Love}} that he has such a caring heart, and would do anything for anyone, anytime. i {{Love}} that he is comfortable enough to be himself, he hides nothing from me! (and i mean nothing) lol. i {{Love}} that he'll sit and watch a chick flick with me. i {{Love}} that we share a common goal in life. i {{Love}} that he values me, as a woman, as his wife, as his best friend! i {{Love}} that we can act like such fools together! i {{Love}} the joy and smiles he brings to my life. i {{Love}} that he chose me to spend the rest of his life with, to call his wife!

I {{Love}} Gio for so much more than could be put into words! I {{Love}} him whole heartedly and I couldn't imagine my life without him by my side! The  struggles we've been through, the triumphs we've had make me {{Love}} our life together. I feel so honored, so blessed, to have a {{Love}} like ours to show to the world!

I {{LOVE}} YOU, Giovanni 

yesterday, today, tomorrow, always and forever!

xoxo

I wish to belong to you, I’ll be the one you’re looking for 

and we’ll be the one heaven’s searching for!

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.

It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
Judy Garland

All Things Love

Day 5

 The third member of our family Echo, is my {{Love}}. Echo has been apart of our family since 2009! She's got such a personality! She can be such a stinker or she can be a lovie dovie little thing (: She def {{Loves}} us both, when I'm not here she {{Loves}} on Gio, but as soon as I get home, she's like my shadow! lol. Gio likes to give her a hard time when playing, makes me laugh and shake my head (: I like to cuddle with her, (she's a great foot warmer)! I {{Love}} when Echo greets us at the door when we've been gone. I {{Love}} that she likes to be in our company. Echo gets in this wild mood and starts running through the apartment, I {{Love}} it, it makes us both laugh, the burst of energy just comes out of nowhere! Echo also {{Loves}} to watch the birds that come by the patio window! I {{Love}} when she gets low to the ground, wiggles her butt and runs up on them, like she can actually get them! It's the cutest! I {{Love}} that she's got one specific toy she likes the most, and no matter how many times we bring it to the living room, it ALWAYS is back in the bedroom the next morning! I also {{Love}} that on the weekends, Echo comes to the bed and depending on her mood, will either lay there with us, or meow at us till one of us gets out of bed! I {{Love}} Echo, she brings such joy and laughter to Gio & I's life!

She hates pictures. Lol

Echo

It's just the 3 of us, but we are a family <3

All Things Love

Day 3

todays {{Love}} is the random time when gio and i play! this kind of play doesn't happen often, it's unplanned, and i {{Love}} every bit of it! we tickle each other, roll around on each other, pick on each other, laugh at each other, it's so much fun! lol i truly {{Love}} how random this play is, and i {{Love}} that playtime comes at the best of times (like when we most need it)! i {{Love}} that we as a couple just sorta know when it's a good time to play, and i {{Love}} that something so random, gives us so much joy, laughter, and fun (:

All Things Love

Day 2

I {{Love}} when my half morning off from work is a day Gio is off! I {{Love}} that it's not a typical day with him. I {{Love}} that we cuddle, I {{Love}} that we stay in bed until we can't! I {{Love}} that we lay there and talk about whatever! I {{Love}} waking up first and watching him sleep :) I {{Love}} that there is no alarm set, telling us time to get outta bed, time for work. I {{Love}} the morning light shinning in and the birds singing to us (: But mostly I {{Love}} waking up to him and I {{Love}} that I'm the one he chose to wake up too!

Memories & History

Superbowl 46 was held here in Indianapolis Feb. 5 at Lucas Oil Stadium!! It was a week long celebration, full of concerts, celebrities, street performers, food, and football! Honestly we weren't going to head downtown due to the mass crowds of people. Luckily we went, and we're both so glad that we did! Downtown looked awesome! (: The superbowl was between the New England Patriots (main player Tom Brady) and the New York Giants (Eli Manning)!  The week full of concerts included, (but not limited to) 50 cent, LMFAO, Pattie Labelle, Bret Michaels, Fuel, Edwin McCain, the Roots, Nas, En Vouge, Snoop Dogg. Halftime was one of my favs Madonna!!! The Winner of Superbowl 46, the New York Giants!!!! 21 to 17, close game (:

Ice Sculpture, Colts

Bears, Street Sign

Eagles, Super Car

Superbowl 46 at Monument Circle

Gio & I in front of Lucas Oil Stadium

Extras. The Giants had their hometown favorite pizza flown in from New York (a 2hr flight). Rapper Eminem & 50 cent rented a house in Geist to party and Eminem was spotted at a local grocery. Tickets were on average $2500. Daily millions of people attended the superbowl village!

Superbowl 46 was awesome, I'm so excited that we were apart of history, and the memories are all on photo! (: Congrats Giants!!!

My Smiles

so much brings a smile to my face, and here is what has made me smile lately. 

~my husband, even when i'm not is the best of moods his silliness always takes away the worst of feelings :D he brings the most joy, laughter, and life to me and i love him so much more than he may ever know because of it! his very own smile makes my heart melt. its such an additive smile, you can't help but smile back at him. <3

~echo, whenever i sit in our recliner and throw my blanket over me, she hurries over to sit on my lap to love on her :) 

~our new home, every weekend we go to see the house and the progress from week to week. many pictures are taken and move in date is closer and closer!! :D

~my favorite drinks: iced tea (so refreshing) & coffee (love my morning cup)

~memories (the good & the not so good), as we are preparing to move from our first place in indy to our new home, the wonderful memories we have made since moving down here flood my brain. here are a few: 

2008: our move from kendallville to indianapolis

2008: our wedding

our marriage license 7.12.08

2008: gio & i living off of unemployment for months, and still making it work

2008: starting college for medical assisting

2009: gio getting temporary work after being laid off

2009: gio being hired on full time to a job

2009: graduation from college, and landing a job a week later

2009: filling for bankruptcy

2009: gio's grandpa richard passing

2010: short weekend trip to cincinnati

2010: our first and second concert ever together!! Tom Petty & then John Mayer

2010: we held our first thanksgiving dinner for my family, success!

our homeade thanksgiving pies, pumpkin & pecan

2011: losing one of our immediate family members, lucca our male cat. 

buddy man lucca, on his last day

2011: buying our first home, & watching it be built from the ground up!

the lot we chose #102

gio & i as of today in our house, not quite finished

2011: i got to witness one of lifes greatest gifts, birth. in may i witnessed a vaginal birth to a healthy baby girl, hayley and in december a cesarean to another healthy baby girl, rebecca!

~my many blessings that i have and can't even count, bring the biggest smile to my face, can't believe i've been through the things i've put myself through and come out such a strong woman!

~my career, i have good and bad days at my job, just like everyone else. the only difference i like what i do, and i'm good at what i do, and my co-workers, and bosses respect me and my work ethic!

~mostly my very own life has brought such a smile to my face. i haven't lived perfectly, but everything that has happened to me i understand it has been for a reason. and for that reason i can only think of the whole and be proud of the person i am, and the goals i have for myself. i can't believe how lucky i am of a person, to have done the things i've done and still have such success and greatness in my life!

Not so Easy

I am battling with my heart! Here's the shortened story. . . 

A few years back my oldest cousin Katie was diagnosed with a kidney disease. And she's been dealing with this ever since. Now when I first heard of this news, it brought tears to my eyes. How horrible for Katie, Jason, and Cheyanne! I felt so sad for them! And the big question for the family was, where to go from that point? Questions got answered, but obviously not the best news was given. Early on, the word transplant came up, but might not be necessary if Katie could make some lifestyle changes. She did very much try and was unsuccessful.

Within the last year, Katie was given the news that she will need a kidney transplant to become healthy again! When this was first mentioned I considered donating! I really hadn't put much thought into it but when I brought it up with Gio, he was not in favor. The subject was dropped, nothing more was said about it, unless we got updates from my family. 

Last night I was talking with my mom, and the donating subject was brought up. Katie and I share type O blood! One of the first things tested is to see if blood types match. So my mom talked with me about it a little more, and that I might want to consider looking into testing. You ask, what about her mom or husband. . .neither can donate, my aunt, her mom is a borderline diabetic, and her husband and she don't share the same blood type, so they are out of the question. I told my mom how I'd love to help, how I even tossed the idea up the first time we all heard about this. I told her that I felt that donating is not an easy thing for me to just say YES to. I want to talk with a doctor about it. I need to talk with Gio about it. And what if I did donate and then the only kidney I had failed, what would happen to me then? What if the surgery was unsucessful? I have so many questions, it's just not an easy decision. But I told my mom I would at least give blood, but I would need to look into this donation a bit more. 

I'm torn, I want to help, I really do! I think about what if donation is not for me at this time, but then if it becomes to late how guilty I would feeling knowing I could have at least looked into it more, that I might have been able to help and was to selfish not to! I don't want to see my cousin in pain, I want to see her live a long healthy life. I want her to see her only child grow old. I want to see her grow old! But I also want to do what's best for me! I just can't find the confidence to say YES. When I think about how hard her life has become, how her daughter and husband could be without her it breaks my heart. 

So today at work, I asked the doctor I work for if she had any insight on how this transplant deal works or if she knew of someone I could at least get some of my questions answered. She gave me a name, and I'd like the plan to be for Gio and I to go and talk with the Nephrologist. Seeing how I am unsure of what to do, I don't think I will talk with Katie about this until I know in my heart what's best for me, and what's best for Gio and I as a couple.

 I guess this is the first step, to get questions answered, to help try and build up my confidence. To listen to my heart!

Change is Good

Last night Gio & I had our first date night! We actually shared it with Tim, someone Gio works with. It was a fun night at the Pacers game (they won) and then drinks and cigars at Nicky Blaines. While there Gio & I got the most awsome compliment I feel like a couple could get! As we all sat in Nicky Blaines Tim told us how much of a great couple we are, how we seem truly happy, and that we are so laid back, so much the same, but so different, how he thought we were just perfect for each other!! Honestly, it put the biggest smile on my face for the rest of the evening :) He also told me how highly Gio speaks of me at work, how he never says anything negative about me! Made my heart melt. It made feel so special to know that the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with, he really is the most amazing man on the planet!

As Gio & I drove home last night, we began talking about how great of a compliment we got, and how much of a good time we had at the night club. Which moved to the conversation of how much we've changed, how are preferences of fun have changed, how we've grown into being adults. We talked about how instead of going to the bar to get wasted or partying at the house to get smashed, having a hangover the next morning, and how we didn't care what we put in our bodies or how we took care of it. Now instead of going bar hoping, we like to go to the night club and have only one or two drinks, and enjoy our beverage, our time, the surrounding, and the memories :) Now instead of fast food, and eating on the "fly" we plan out our healthy meals, and like to go to the gym. We discussed other topics of our changing and when it came down to it, we both feel pleased about how we've grown, both individually and as a couple. We decided our early 20's life is passed and that necessarily the changes weren't a bad thing. We understand that it was fun while it lasted but all people need to grow up at some point in their lives, but still need to have fun just in different ways :) We also realize and understand that we are going to continue to grow and change, and it's just fine, it just shows how much we've matured :)

boy, what a sweet compliment was given and the deep conversation it brought! lol

There is nothing wrong with change,

If it is in the right direction.

~Winston Churchill

Sickness & Snow

FINALLY the sickness in our household is going away! What a crappy way to begin a new year! Both Gio & I have been sick :( He's got the worst of it though :( Poor guy, he'd been doing so good taking care of me, and how is his kindness returned? I think he actually had a 24-48 hr. bug of some kind, as he's feeling much better. now since i've been sick, i have already failed to commit myself to my new years goals. :( i didn't make it to church yesterday, nor did I call my parents. I did however keep my goal of not being on the computer as much, this is the first time all day that I've been on! A big + for me, as I spend far to much time on here. I am excited to be getting back to the gym this week too! I've been going since Sept. in the mornings before work, it's such a great way to begin my day! It makes me feel more energized and just overall good. I'm also stoked about Gio & I's first date of the new year, it's coming up this weekend! I'll recap my goals weekly (:

For the second time this winter we've had snow!! And it looks so pretty! Unfortunately, it won't be sticking around :( It's just been to warm, and I believe it's gonna be warm this week even, in the mid 40's :(  But with the lack of snow, it makes me kinda unknowing of how the next couple of months will be, I have a feeling we'll get hit hard very soon. I wouldn't mind the snow normally, but this year Gio & I are moving into our new home that's being built currently. I hope building won't be delayed due to the weather! But just a little more snow would be nice!

Thought For The Day:

“The fear of becoming a ‘has-been’
keeps some people from becoming anything.”

Eric Hoffer
(1902-1983)

New Year

welcome 2012! a new year, a new day. . . .working on a new me!

since i'm stubborn and opinionated, i want to put these self descriptions to a more positive use this year. i don't want to stop being who i am, just put what can be my weaknesses to a better use.

i need to be stubborn when it's really necessary. and "give in" when i know i should. all without giving up how i feel. being opinionated is a great trait when my opinion is wanted. and i need to work on not giving it until that time.

other goals for this year. . . .

         saving at least $1500

         losing 60 lbs

         making dinner twice a week for gio

         going on a short out of state trip

         having a date night once per month
         going to church every sunday
         not spending as much time on the computer
         call my parents every sunday 
         every other month have a complete ME & only ME day

self improvement is always needing to be worked on, no matter how young or old one is, improving is always worth the time and effort.