Not so Easy

I am battling with my heart! Here's the shortened story. . . 

A few years back my oldest cousin Katie was diagnosed with a kidney disease. And she's been dealing with this ever since. Now when I first heard of this news, it brought tears to my eyes. How horrible for Katie, Jason, and Cheyanne! I felt so sad for them! And the big question for the family was, where to go from that point? Questions got answered, but obviously not the best news was given. Early on, the word transplant came up, but might not be necessary if Katie could make some lifestyle changes. She did very much try and was unsuccessful.

Within the last year, Katie was given the news that she will need a kidney transplant to become healthy again! When this was first mentioned I considered donating! I really hadn't put much thought into it but when I brought it up with Gio, he was not in favor. The subject was dropped, nothing more was said about it, unless we got updates from my family. 

Last night I was talking with my mom, and the donating subject was brought up. Katie and I share type O blood! One of the first things tested is to see if blood types match. So my mom talked with me about it a little more, and that I might want to consider looking into testing. You ask, what about her mom or husband. . .neither can donate, my aunt, her mom is a borderline diabetic, and her husband and she don't share the same blood type, so they are out of the question. I told my mom how I'd love to help, how I even tossed the idea up the first time we all heard about this. I told her that I felt that donating is not an easy thing for me to just say YES to. I want to talk with a doctor about it. I need to talk with Gio about it. And what if I did donate and then the only kidney I had failed, what would happen to me then? What if the surgery was unsucessful? I have so many questions, it's just not an easy decision. But I told my mom I would at least give blood, but I would need to look into this donation a bit more. 

I'm torn, I want to help, I really do! I think about what if donation is not for me at this time, but then if it becomes to late how guilty I would feeling knowing I could have at least looked into it more, that I might have been able to help and was to selfish not to! I don't want to see my cousin in pain, I want to see her live a long healthy life. I want her to see her only child grow old. I want to see her grow old! But I also want to do what's best for me! I just can't find the confidence to say YES. When I think about how hard her life has become, how her daughter and husband could be without her it breaks my heart. 

So today at work, I asked the doctor I work for if she had any insight on how this transplant deal works or if she knew of someone I could at least get some of my questions answered. She gave me a name, and I'd like the plan to be for Gio and I to go and talk with the Nephrologist. Seeing how I am unsure of what to do, I don't think I will talk with Katie about this until I know in my heart what's best for me, and what's best for Gio and I as a couple.

 I guess this is the first step, to get questions answered, to help try and build up my confidence. To listen to my heart!

Change is Good

Last night Gio & I had our first date night! We actually shared it with Tim, someone Gio works with. It was a fun night at the Pacers game (they won) and then drinks and cigars at Nicky Blaines. While there Gio & I got the most awsome compliment I feel like a couple could get! As we all sat in Nicky Blaines Tim told us how much of a great couple we are, how we seem truly happy, and that we are so laid back, so much the same, but so different, how he thought we were just perfect for each other!! Honestly, it put the biggest smile on my face for the rest of the evening :) He also told me how highly Gio speaks of me at work, how he never says anything negative about me! Made my heart melt. It made feel so special to know that the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with, he really is the most amazing man on the planet!

As Gio & I drove home last night, we began talking about how great of a compliment we got, and how much of a good time we had at the night club. Which moved to the conversation of how much we've changed, how are preferences of fun have changed, how we've grown into being adults. We talked about how instead of going to the bar to get wasted or partying at the house to get smashed, having a hangover the next morning, and how we didn't care what we put in our bodies or how we took care of it. Now instead of going bar hoping, we like to go to the night club and have only one or two drinks, and enjoy our beverage, our time, the surrounding, and the memories :) Now instead of fast food, and eating on the "fly" we plan out our healthy meals, and like to go to the gym. We discussed other topics of our changing and when it came down to it, we both feel pleased about how we've grown, both individually and as a couple. We decided our early 20's life is passed and that necessarily the changes weren't a bad thing. We understand that it was fun while it lasted but all people need to grow up at some point in their lives, but still need to have fun just in different ways :) We also realize and understand that we are going to continue to grow and change, and it's just fine, it just shows how much we've matured :)

boy, what a sweet compliment was given and the deep conversation it brought! lol

There is nothing wrong with change,

If it is in the right direction.

~Winston Churchill

To Live By

Let all the bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor,

and evil speaking be put away from you

with all malice.

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgive one another, 

even as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:31-32

nothing more for today, as this is all that's needed.

Sickness & Snow

FINALLY the sickness in our household is going away! What a crappy way to begin a new year! Both Gio & I have been sick :( He's got the worst of it though :( Poor guy, he'd been doing so good taking care of me, and how is his kindness returned? I think he actually had a 24-48 hr. bug of some kind, as he's feeling much better. now since i've been sick, i have already failed to commit myself to my new years goals. :( i didn't make it to church yesterday, nor did I call my parents. I did however keep my goal of not being on the computer as much, this is the first time all day that I've been on! A big + for me, as I spend far to much time on here. I am excited to be getting back to the gym this week too! I've been going since Sept. in the mornings before work, it's such a great way to begin my day! It makes me feel more energized and just overall good. I'm also stoked about Gio & I's first date of the new year, it's coming up this weekend! I'll recap my goals weekly (:

For the second time this winter we've had snow!! And it looks so pretty! Unfortunately, it won't be sticking around :( It's just been to warm, and I believe it's gonna be warm this week even, in the mid 40's :(  But with the lack of snow, it makes me kinda unknowing of how the next couple of months will be, I have a feeling we'll get hit hard very soon. I wouldn't mind the snow normally, but this year Gio & I are moving into our new home that's being built currently. I hope building won't be delayed due to the weather! But just a little more snow would be nice!

Thought For The Day:

“The fear of becoming a ‘has-been’
keeps some people from becoming anything.”

Eric Hoffer
(1902-1983)

New Year

welcome 2012! a new year, a new day. . . .working on a new me!

since i'm stubborn and opinionated, i want to put these self descriptions to a more positive use this year. i don't want to stop being who i am, just put what can be my weaknesses to a better use.

i need to be stubborn when it's really necessary. and "give in" when i know i should. all without giving up how i feel. being opinionated is a great trait when my opinion is wanted. and i need to work on not giving it until that time.

other goals for this year. . . .

         saving at least $1500

         losing 60 lbs

         making dinner twice a week for gio

         going on a short out of state trip

         having a date night once per month
         going to church every sunday
         not spending as much time on the computer
         call my parents every sunday 
         every other month have a complete ME & only ME day

self improvement is always needing to be worked on, no matter how young or old one is, improving is always worth the time and effort.