Not Ready, Even If She Is

I can barely write or think about this without tears flooding my eyes. But I got terrible news over the weekend while spending time with my family. My 83 year old grandma has recently found a spot on her liver. She had some further testing done and got those results yesterday. It's the worst news I could have gotten, she was told that she also has another spot on her colon and that this monday she will be going to the Oncologist. My heart sank into my chest, I could barely breath, my grandma can't die!! She just can't!! I'm not ready for her to go! And even though I'm not ready for her to leave, she is ready with open arms! I can't even think about my life, or my families life without her, I really truly can't. All I can think about is all the memories, all the talks, all the LOVE that she brings. I can't help but play back how this past friday night I was showing her pictures of Gio & I's new home, how we had some laughs, how she said she was proud of me. And as Gio & I were leaving, and I kissed and hugged her goodbye, how she always tells me how pretty I am, and to Gio make sure to take care of her. How I told her we'll see you in a few weeks at easter. I can only hope and pray that I will see her in just a few short weeks. It makes me so nervous that I won't get to see her then, or if I do, how sick she may look. The saddest part, I am horrible at talking with dying people, I just don't even know what to say, I don't know why I have such an issue with it, but I do know one thing, I can't and won't let my grandma leave this earth without her knowing how much I love her, how much I care for her, how much she has shown me, how much she inspires me, how much of an example she is of all things good. I Love You Grandma!

The Best Example of What People Should Be.

A frog went a-courtin’ and he did ride, M-hm, M-hm.
A frog went a-courtin’ and he did ride,
Sword and pistol by his side, M-hm, M-hm.
He rode up to Miss Mousie’s door, M-hm, M-hm,
He rode up to Miss Mousie’s door,
Where he’d often been before, M-hm, M-hm.
He said, “Miss Mouse, are you within?” M-hm, M-hm,
He said, “Miss Mouse, are you within?”
“Yes, kind sir, I sit and spin.” M-hm, M-hm.
He took Miss Mouse upon his knee, M-hm, M-hm,
He took Miss Mouse upon his knee and
Said “Miss Mouse, will you marry me?” M-hm, M-hm.
“Without my Uncle Rat’s consent, M-hm, M-hm,
Without my Uncle Rat’s consent
I wouldn’t marry the President.” M-hm, M-hm.
Uncle Rat laughed and shook his fat sides, M-hm, M-hm,
Uncle Rat laughed and shook his fat sides,
To think his niece would be a bride, M-hm, M-hm.
Then Uncle Rat rode off to town, M-hm, M-hm,
Then Uncle Rat rode off to town
To buy his niece a wedding gown, M-hm, M-hm.
“Oh, where will the wedding supper be?” M-hm, M-hm,
“Oh where will the wedding supper be?”
“Way down yonder in the hollow tree.” M-hm, M-hm.
The first to come was the little white moth, M-hm, M-hm,
The first to come was the little white moth;
She spread out the tablecloth, M-hm, M-hm.
The next to come was the bumblebee, M-hm, M-hm,
The next to come was the bumblebee who
Played the fiddle upon his knee, M-hm, M-hm.
The next to come was a little flea, M-hm, M-hm,
The next to come was a little flea who
Danced a jig with the bumblebee, M-hm, M-hm.
The next to come was Missus Cow, M-hm, M-hm,
The next to come was Missus Cow who
Tried to dance but didn’t know how, M-hm, M-hm.
Now Mister Frog was dressed in green, M-hm, M-hm,
Now Mister Frog was dressed in green and
Sweet Miss Mouse looked like a queen, M-hm, M-hm.
In slowly walked the Parson Rook, M-hm, M-hm,
In slowly walked the Parson Rook;
Under his arm he carried a book, M-hm, M-hm.
They all gathered round the lucky pair, M-hm, M-hm,
They all gathered round the lucky pair,
Singing, dancing everywhere, M-hm, M-hm.
Then Frog and Mouse went off to France, M-hm, M-hm,
Then Frog and Mouse went off to France and
That’s the end of my romance, M-hm, M-hm.

~one of the songs she would sing while rocking me to sleep

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
if I die before I wake,
I pray for Lord my soul to take.

~our bedtime prayer when sleeping over