Life Sometimes is Overwhelming

Airing out bad news again, it just seems to never end. It's said when it rains it pours, or bad things come in sets of three, or history repeats itself, all to very true!

My Grandmother passed Feb 3, 2013. I am having a hard time dealing some days, but when I'm able to see my Grandfather the sad memories fade for a little while.

March came and went and for the whole month I was recovering from having my 4 wisdom teeth removed and then a hematoma recovery. Overall the surgery process went well, def glad it's done and over with and will not have to experience that again (: But it took a whole month of antibiotics and dentist follow up appts to get back to my "normal" self.

Moving to April, the month started out refresed feeling, I was feeling better, I had a big day coming up with my childhood friend Hollys wedding approaching fast. So I was in high gear trying to get my Matron of Honor role finished and polished. My plans for celebration were haulted quickly, as I discovered Gio & I were expecting. Due to my pregnancy history, this was a very scary time. I was followed by my wonderful docs with ultrasounds and bloodwork to make sure this would be a viable pregnancy. That was the week of the wedding, I had been advised to take it easy, and of course no typical Brandi celebrating. Which was fine no biggie, my mind was off in another world trying to go through the "what if's". Eventually it was official that the pregnancy ended up in my tube and not going anywhere, Methotrexate injections were needed. I received my first one and was taken off of work for "bedrest" and until it was determined what would happen, the goal was to keep my tube, and keep me out of surgery. I was in the office everyother day for more bloodwork and ultrasounds, which after my first round of the injection, another round was needed as the pregnancy mass continued to grow, causing concern for a tube rupture and surgery. After another week went by of the same bloodwork and ultrasounds, and the med seem to be working, I was able to come back to work. Which was such a relief! One and a half days into working, and sever pain, another ultrasound was done and it was determined that the mass continued to grow, the injections did not work and my only choice now was surgery :( Surgery went well, as I have the best doctors :) but again I was off of work recovering. I finally got to return to work mid May.

Fast forward to the end of May, the day after Memorial Day, I found out that my dad's cancer had returned, but is now in his lungs, he will go through chemo. My parents are already struggling financially and emotionally and this new round of meds and doctor appts is going to make things much worse. 

Last night Gio and I were talking, about how hopefully soon there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. How will the bad news end anytime soon, we all could use some good news and a long break from the bad, and how history def does repeat itself. In 2005 Gio's sister Tesah passed away, shortly after that his mom was diagnosed with cancer and after that I had surgery for a ruptured tube and no pregnancy. Here we are 6-7yrs later following an all to familiar pattern. My dad was diagnosed with cancer, my grandmother passed away due to complications of cancer, and I had lost another pregnancy and had surgery to remove my ruptured tube.

When will the sorrow, the heartache end? When will the Good Lord say enough, good times ahead? Will there ever be good times again? I don't know, but Gio, my family, and I have had our fair share, it has poured, out threesome has happened, and history is slamming it's ugly self right in our faces. Hopefully soon we'll see good times :)

Grandma, the Best Lady that ever lived.

One week ago today, my grandma passed away. And almost to the minute that i begin typing this did i get the call from my mom. She passed sometime between 4am (when aunt mary last saw her) and 6/6:30 when grandpa found her while he was getting ready for church. Sunday Feb 3, 2013 was the longest day i truly believe i've ever had. 

The last time i saw grandma, was less than a month ago. That day she was in good spirits, alert, and had far more energy than she did that night before. It was the so nice to see her in such a way, as it had been a long time. Sadly, we said our final goodbyes and had our final hug and kiss. And I told her i would see her again in no time, and she said i know. 

I will miss her so much, she was everything to me and my family. It's hard to believe she is gone, never her to give kisses, advice, support, or that loving familiar sound when coming in to give a welcome hug, "Ooo Brandi" big tight hug here! and there was always an i love you so much, followed instantly with do you need something to eat? lol.  

When I arrived to your and grandpas house tuesday it's like the roles were changed. Grandpa was there and so excited to see me. I tried my best to stay strong for him, but i even heard his voice crack, broke my heart. He doesn't want to be without you, his bride, his princess. But he reassured me that you two had a long, loving relationship, and that he will see you again (:

Abbie, Allison, & I put together some of your pictures, what a beauty you were when young (: and grandpa so handsome, no wonder you two picked eachother! 
You could just see how much you and grandpa really loved each other, you could see it the way you looked at him and the way he looked at you. a true love story! <3

Your viewing day was a long hard day, especially for grandpa. But i will never forget when he came into see you, he finally broke down, spoke with you, and gave you kisses. He is gonna miss you so so much, your all he talks about! :D So many people came out and the rosary was lovely as always. But it was a cold cold overcast day, which really didn't help matters. 

Your funeral day was a gorgeous, bright, sunny day, and much warmer than the day prior, like you where right there! the service was beautiful, with lots of touching songs. On Eagles Wings (one of my personal favs) and How Great Thou Art.We were all reminded about Love:

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated,^d 5it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,^e 6it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.^f

8^* Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing. 9For we know partially and we prophesy partially, 10but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things. 12At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.^g 13^* So faith, hope, love remain, these three;^h but the greatest of these is love. 

The Native American Drum was present, which was so fitting and peaceful, but at the same time made everything so real. before that I felt I was living in a dream, I really did. It was so unreal I felt. I thought you and grandpa would live forever, I really did!!
 
It's hard to think that I will never see your human body anymore and it's even harder to think that grandpa is ready to see you again, so his time will be up soon also. We've never known life without either of you and i can't bare to think of it. But i do know one thing, that I want to see you again, I want to live a simple life like you and grandpa, and have a love with gio like you had with grandpa! :D

I will always LOVE you, I will work on being more like you and Grandpa, I will have a long loving marriage with Gio, as you did with Grandpa. And I ask that you continue to look over me! 

You were the BEST Lady I've ever known! And I cherish every memory I have of you. . .I'll see you again before you know it Grandma!! And I can't wait for that familiar hug!!

Catherine Mae Nagy

birth. 10/9/1928

deceased. 2/3/2013

age. 84

marriage. 5/20/1950

married for 62 yrs to Augustus Nagy.

6 children

13 grandchildren

13 great grandchildren

 

 

 

My World, Falling Apart

September 11, 2001 was a day I will never forget, where I was and what I was doing. I was junior in high school sitting in home economics class when the loud speaker came on overhead to inform myself and fellow classmates that our country was under attack! Our world has never been the same since. Every year thousands of people I didn't even know are honored, and will continue to be honored and remembered.


September 11, 2012 yet another day I will never forget what I was doing. . .that evening as I pulled into my driveway, my dad calls me. He had surgery that friday just before and I knew he had a follow up appt that day, but the news I ws about to hear was so overwhelming! I answered the phone to hear my dads voice. He said he went to the doctors appt and that his biopsy results were back which were positive for CANCER!!! MY DAD HAS CANCER!!! I didn't even know what to say, my heart hurt, my stomach and head were spinning! My dad kept his cool (like always) and didn't have many answers other than they were coming down here to see an oncologist.

After hanging up the phone, my frustration, anger, sadness, confusion, and heartache came through! My whole world felt like it was falling apart. My Dad, Mom, Sister & I went to IU Hospital yesterday for answers, we really didn't get any, but have moved forward in the direction to answers. We all spent the day at the hospital while my Dad underwent a CT scan to make sure this cancer doesn't or hasn't spread to his lungs and a MRI to make sure the surgery my Dad had had gotten all of the cancer cells from his body. We are now waiting on results which should come back by the end of the week. I pray every night that things will turn out positive and that myself and the rest of our family can "keep it together" for my Dad, he needs all the support we can give him! I LOVE YOU DAD!! And you'll pull through this, and we'll be right beside you all the way!!!

 

They make Us a Family. . .Grandparents

Today is National Grandparents Day! And I have two very special people that I can honor today, my Grandpa Augustus (Gus) and my Grandma Catherine. My Grandparents have been involved in so much of my life from my birth, to my kindergarten graduation, to all of my choir concerts, to all of the sacraments, to my high school and college graduations, my own marriage, my first home and every little thing in between! 

They have shared so many stories and memories, I wish I could remember them all. They have taught me what hard work is and that it does pay off, they have taught me honesty, integrity, and have shared a beautiful religion with me. My Grandpa was born August 28 and my Grandma was born October 9, they were married on May 20 and this year celebrated 62 years of marriage! They have 6 children and 13 grandchildren and to date 10 greatgrandchildren! I know they are very proud of each and everyone of us, just as we are all so very proud of them! I LOVE you Grandpa & Grandma, you are my whole world, my whole heart. I couldn't have been blessed with better Grandparents, I hope one day to be just as strong, kind, gentle natured, honorable, and knowledgeable as you both. With so my LOVE and Affection your granddaughter. . .

Brandi Michelle Nagy Thieme

Dear God, please bless my grandparents.
Thank you for the life they gave my parents
and for the life they give to me.

For the ways they helped me and made me strong, I give thanks.
For the ways they love me no matter what, I rejoice.
For the ways they have paved the road
that leads me here, I am grateful.

Let them grow in wisdom and joy in life.
Let them find peace and rest from their work.
Let them be healed of every sickness and pain.
And let them see with their own eyes
the glory of your Son, Jesus,
in the love of their children and grandchildren.

Bless them always until they come to rest in you.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

We are finally in our new home, and it's beautiful!  March 27th was a very long day, thats for sure! lol. But it'll be the last long day Gio and I have like that, as we don't plan on moving ever again (: Our new house is beautiful and I can't wait to begin making it a home!

Echo is still adjusting, but overall I think she's gonna love it here (: She's still exploring and finding new ways to give us heart attacks! (we've "lost" her at least half a dozen times already! little stinker ;)

Gio and I have both talked with our parents, who are all very happy for us, and we've had our first guests also, David and Naomi, they helped us move. We're having our first cookout tomorrow with Izaak and Erica, and Tim from Gio's work! Too excited! We've had our first home cooked meal after what seemed like tons of eating out (gross!), and I cooked! (: We had lemon chicken with rice and broccoli. 
It's been a long haul, we signed papers in July 2011 and have watched our slab turn into a structure, and the structure into a house, and now we have the rest of our lives to turn our house into a home.

 God has really looked out for me, for Gio and I, he really truly has, and We are so appreciative of the life he has given us! He has given us some rough/hard times. But He's helped us pull through, and shown us how wonderful our lives can and will be. He has given us true strength and happiness with eachother. We now know and understand that We are good people and deserve to have happiness, good health, and prosperity. 

As I sit here, in my new home, I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of happiness and pride! I can't ever say it enough, how BLESSED i am!

Not Ready, Even If She Is

I can barely write or think about this without tears flooding my eyes. But I got terrible news over the weekend while spending time with my family. My 83 year old grandma has recently found a spot on her liver. She had some further testing done and got those results yesterday. It's the worst news I could have gotten, she was told that she also has another spot on her colon and that this monday she will be going to the Oncologist. My heart sank into my chest, I could barely breath, my grandma can't die!! She just can't!! I'm not ready for her to go! And even though I'm not ready for her to leave, she is ready with open arms! I can't even think about my life, or my families life without her, I really truly can't. All I can think about is all the memories, all the talks, all the LOVE that she brings. I can't help but play back how this past friday night I was showing her pictures of Gio & I's new home, how we had some laughs, how she said she was proud of me. And as Gio & I were leaving, and I kissed and hugged her goodbye, how she always tells me how pretty I am, and to Gio make sure to take care of her. How I told her we'll see you in a few weeks at easter. I can only hope and pray that I will see her in just a few short weeks. It makes me so nervous that I won't get to see her then, or if I do, how sick she may look. The saddest part, I am horrible at talking with dying people, I just don't even know what to say, I don't know why I have such an issue with it, but I do know one thing, I can't and won't let my grandma leave this earth without her knowing how much I love her, how much I care for her, how much she has shown me, how much she inspires me, how much of an example she is of all things good. I Love You Grandma!

The Best Example of What People Should Be.

A frog went a-courtin’ and he did ride, M-hm, M-hm.
A frog went a-courtin’ and he did ride,
Sword and pistol by his side, M-hm, M-hm.
He rode up to Miss Mousie’s door, M-hm, M-hm,
He rode up to Miss Mousie’s door,
Where he’d often been before, M-hm, M-hm.
He said, “Miss Mouse, are you within?” M-hm, M-hm,
He said, “Miss Mouse, are you within?”
“Yes, kind sir, I sit and spin.” M-hm, M-hm.
He took Miss Mouse upon his knee, M-hm, M-hm,
He took Miss Mouse upon his knee and
Said “Miss Mouse, will you marry me?” M-hm, M-hm.
“Without my Uncle Rat’s consent, M-hm, M-hm,
Without my Uncle Rat’s consent
I wouldn’t marry the President.” M-hm, M-hm.
Uncle Rat laughed and shook his fat sides, M-hm, M-hm,
Uncle Rat laughed and shook his fat sides,
To think his niece would be a bride, M-hm, M-hm.
Then Uncle Rat rode off to town, M-hm, M-hm,
Then Uncle Rat rode off to town
To buy his niece a wedding gown, M-hm, M-hm.
“Oh, where will the wedding supper be?” M-hm, M-hm,
“Oh where will the wedding supper be?”
“Way down yonder in the hollow tree.” M-hm, M-hm.
The first to come was the little white moth, M-hm, M-hm,
The first to come was the little white moth;
She spread out the tablecloth, M-hm, M-hm.
The next to come was the bumblebee, M-hm, M-hm,
The next to come was the bumblebee who
Played the fiddle upon his knee, M-hm, M-hm.
The next to come was a little flea, M-hm, M-hm,
The next to come was a little flea who
Danced a jig with the bumblebee, M-hm, M-hm.
The next to come was Missus Cow, M-hm, M-hm,
The next to come was Missus Cow who
Tried to dance but didn’t know how, M-hm, M-hm.
Now Mister Frog was dressed in green, M-hm, M-hm,
Now Mister Frog was dressed in green and
Sweet Miss Mouse looked like a queen, M-hm, M-hm.
In slowly walked the Parson Rook, M-hm, M-hm,
In slowly walked the Parson Rook;
Under his arm he carried a book, M-hm, M-hm.
They all gathered round the lucky pair, M-hm, M-hm,
They all gathered round the lucky pair,
Singing, dancing everywhere, M-hm, M-hm.
Then Frog and Mouse went off to France, M-hm, M-hm,
Then Frog and Mouse went off to France and
That’s the end of my romance, M-hm, M-hm.

~one of the songs she would sing while rocking me to sleep

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
if I die before I wake,
I pray for Lord my soul to take.

~our bedtime prayer when sleeping over

All Things Love

Day 5

 The third member of our family Echo, is my {{Love}}. Echo has been apart of our family since 2009! She's got such a personality! She can be such a stinker or she can be a lovie dovie little thing (: She def {{Loves}} us both, when I'm not here she {{Loves}} on Gio, but as soon as I get home, she's like my shadow! lol. Gio likes to give her a hard time when playing, makes me laugh and shake my head (: I like to cuddle with her, (she's a great foot warmer)! I {{Love}} when Echo greets us at the door when we've been gone. I {{Love}} that she likes to be in our company. Echo gets in this wild mood and starts running through the apartment, I {{Love}} it, it makes us both laugh, the burst of energy just comes out of nowhere! Echo also {{Loves}} to watch the birds that come by the patio window! I {{Love}} when she gets low to the ground, wiggles her butt and runs up on them, like she can actually get them! It's the cutest! I {{Love}} that she's got one specific toy she likes the most, and no matter how many times we bring it to the living room, it ALWAYS is back in the bedroom the next morning! I also {{Love}} that on the weekends, Echo comes to the bed and depending on her mood, will either lay there with us, or meow at us till one of us gets out of bed! I {{Love}} Echo, she brings such joy and laughter to Gio & I's life!

She hates pictures. Lol

Echo

It's just the 3 of us, but we are a family <3

Not so Easy

I am battling with my heart! Here's the shortened story. . . 

A few years back my oldest cousin Katie was diagnosed with a kidney disease. And she's been dealing with this ever since. Now when I first heard of this news, it brought tears to my eyes. How horrible for Katie, Jason, and Cheyanne! I felt so sad for them! And the big question for the family was, where to go from that point? Questions got answered, but obviously not the best news was given. Early on, the word transplant came up, but might not be necessary if Katie could make some lifestyle changes. She did very much try and was unsuccessful.

Within the last year, Katie was given the news that she will need a kidney transplant to become healthy again! When this was first mentioned I considered donating! I really hadn't put much thought into it but when I brought it up with Gio, he was not in favor. The subject was dropped, nothing more was said about it, unless we got updates from my family. 

Last night I was talking with my mom, and the donating subject was brought up. Katie and I share type O blood! One of the first things tested is to see if blood types match. So my mom talked with me about it a little more, and that I might want to consider looking into testing. You ask, what about her mom or husband. . .neither can donate, my aunt, her mom is a borderline diabetic, and her husband and she don't share the same blood type, so they are out of the question. I told my mom how I'd love to help, how I even tossed the idea up the first time we all heard about this. I told her that I felt that donating is not an easy thing for me to just say YES to. I want to talk with a doctor about it. I need to talk with Gio about it. And what if I did donate and then the only kidney I had failed, what would happen to me then? What if the surgery was unsucessful? I have so many questions, it's just not an easy decision. But I told my mom I would at least give blood, but I would need to look into this donation a bit more. 

I'm torn, I want to help, I really do! I think about what if donation is not for me at this time, but then if it becomes to late how guilty I would feeling knowing I could have at least looked into it more, that I might have been able to help and was to selfish not to! I don't want to see my cousin in pain, I want to see her live a long healthy life. I want her to see her only child grow old. I want to see her grow old! But I also want to do what's best for me! I just can't find the confidence to say YES. When I think about how hard her life has become, how her daughter and husband could be without her it breaks my heart. 

So today at work, I asked the doctor I work for if she had any insight on how this transplant deal works or if she knew of someone I could at least get some of my questions answered. She gave me a name, and I'd like the plan to be for Gio and I to go and talk with the Nephrologist. Seeing how I am unsure of what to do, I don't think I will talk with Katie about this until I know in my heart what's best for me, and what's best for Gio and I as a couple.

 I guess this is the first step, to get questions answered, to help try and build up my confidence. To listen to my heart!